I am sitting down to write this post, and I know what I want
to convey, but I am honestly not sure how to write it.
The main piece of news to share is that come August, my plan
is now to move back home to Illinois.
First off, my time at Disney, the past 7 months or so, has
been incredible. Truly, it has been the best time of my life so far. I have
absolutely loved working at Kali River Rapids at Disney’s Animal Kingdom.
I have met some of the most amazing people in my coworkers
and friends. I feel incredibly blessed by my relationships with each and every
one of them.
My hope and plan was to stay down here and make this my life
permanently. For the first time, I was so genuinely happy, and I wanted that
feeling to continue for as long as possible.
In my time here, I have felt loved in a way I have never
felt before, and it has been the best thing imaginable for me.
My college program ends on August 1st. Weeks ago, I went to
casting and put in to stay with the company permanently.
In the last week or so though, a few things down here have
changed that would make staying down here difficult for me. Constant reminders
that would be painful would surround me. This is completely a personal decision
because I know that I would not be happy down here at this time.
It is ironic because growing up, Disney was the thing to
make me happiest, and now I must leave that very place for fear of the
opposite.
It is just time to go.
My hope and plan is now to go seasonal, which would give me
an excuse to come down here again soon, but also let me stay with the company
I’ve loved working for most.
I will miss being able to go to the Disney parks whenever I
want. More than that, I will miss working as a cast member. I will miss little
things like asking, “How many in your party?” I will miss watching guests touch
their MagicBands to the touch points and watch in excitement, as the light
turns green (or the unfortunate blue). I will miss guests asking me all kinds
of questions, and me being able to actually answer them!
What I will miss the most however, are the people I’ve met.
I sincerely love some of these people. I am leaving heartbroken for a few
reasons.
I already know that my journey home will be an awkward one
for those I encounter, as I will be a crying mess. The days, and weeks
following will be very difficult for me. I know this all sounds a bit dramatic,
but it is really very upsetting for me.
So what is my plan for life now?
That would be an excellent question! One my parents are
going to want an answer to, and one that I will be asked many times upon
returning home, by people who care, but I will get tired of answering. I’m not
returning back to school at this time. My school plan has not been the
conventional one, and certainly not the way my two older siblings have done it.
They are both graduated with their Bachelors degrees, and I admire that, but I
haven’t been motivated to accomplish that in the 4-years directly following
high school.
While being here on my program though, I earned both my
Mousters Degree, and my Ducktorate Degree, and that is pretty dang cool :)
The truth is, I don’t know what I’m doing! The daunting
thing called “the future” is here now, and frankly, I’m not ready for it. I am
on the search for what I want to do next, and what will make me happy again. I
am very aware that I will receive a great amount of judgment and condescending
comments, whether to my face or not. I can’t please everyone; I’m just trying
to work on pleasing myself right now, call me selfish.
So please, know all of this before you ask me what’s going
on in my life. I appreciate the care, but you will probably unknowingly make me
feel awful at the same time.
I would love to share memories with you from my time down
here. I have plenty of amazing moments to share, moments of great joy and love,
but also ones of heartache, which ultimately are helping me learn more about
myself.
I may cry at random times, and it may not make sense to you,
but it is all a part of this rollercoaster experience that has been my amazing
life down here.
There is so much more I could say. I know this post is a bit
all over the place, and may seem odd, but I thought I’d share a bit.
I need a little space and time to heal, but I cannot stay
away from this place forever. It’s not goodbye, it is just as Mickey would say,
see ya real soon!
