The Waiting Game

Twice this past weekend I was asked by two different people what I “do.” On both occasions, like every time someone has previously asked me that question or any derivative of it, I hesitated to answer.

Initially my thoughts are always feelings of embarrassment and moments of “Do I tell them?” and then it becomes a quick game in my head about how well can I phrase the answer to sound the best. The “best” being whatever carefully selected words will make me sound like I have my life together and can be somewhat professional.

This makes me wonder why that is my initial response. Quite frankly it’s because others have expressed disapproval or judgment about where I am in life in the past, and for whatever reason I let that affect me.

If you know me, you may know that I took a break from school, and that break became a longer gap than I anticipated. If you asked me back when I was in high school about my plans for the future, the immediate response would have been that I’d finish college next. That would have been a no-brainer to younger Lauren. On the checklist for my life, it would have gone high school (check!), college (check!). Instead, it’s been high school (check!), one solid year at a very good university (check!), a semester of core gen-eds locally (check!), my Disney College Program Internship (check!), and… working doing a variety of jobs to make and save money (ongoing, but check).

I’ve been asked the question of, “when are you going back to school?” more times than I could ever keep track of. The question itself is harmless, but when asked by the same people almost as a regularly scheduled activity, it drives me nuts. Nothing makes me feel like a failure more than having to always answer back with “I don’t know.” The people asking the question feel bad for me, or at least that’s how it comes across, but do they have any idea how I feel?? Ugh. I feel like crap!

I have two older siblings that have graduated their respective Universities with honors and have moved onto their respective careers and made their own homes and lives in different states. I have a younger sister that is passing me in classes and at this point, it looks and feels like she will definitely graduate before me. I have friends from high school that aren’t close anymore because they have also moved on (literally) and are simply at a different place in life now.

I fell off that path and am having a really hard time finding my way back to it. At one point, I would sell my story to others by saying that I was “making my own path” since I wasn’t doing what everyone else was, but by trying to find my own way, I seem to have gotten lost.

Now this is where you, reading this, are thinking, “it seems pretty obvious, Lauren… just go back to school…you’re the one making yourself feel this way,” and I get that and expect that so you don’t need to share those thoughts with me, but like most things in life, it hasn’t been that simple. If it were that simple, I wouldn’t be writing this post now.

Over the years of concerned family members and close friends making comments about my choice to not be in school right now, I’ve adopted the idea that this should embarrass me. I have felt the need to validate myself to the point where I consider twisting the truth and reality to sound “better.”

I have come to the realization that I’ve clearly been in a season of waiting. I’ve always been someone who likes a plan, but from my experience with Improv, been able to wing it a bit, and figure it all out as I go. This time that I’ve been away from school, I’ve been winging it with different jobs to save money for the time when I do go back to school (which side note is way too expensive, what the heck??). While I’ve been in this season of waiting, I’ve been learning valuable lessons and skills, both related to life and being an adult, but also related to work, and what I think my gifts are in the workplace. I wouldn’t have experienced these lessons, in this way, had I not taken the break I did.

This time has been teaching me and preparing me for things and opportunities in the future. I really do believe that I’ll look back one day and see how this piece of the puzzle fits into the bigger picture, and how this time made me ready for what’s next, in a way that I wasn’t ready for years ago.

I can’t explain to other people how this piece fits into the bigger picture of my life yet because obviously, I, myself, haven’t figured that out yet. I know that until then I’ll have to continue saying “I don’t know” and telling people what I am doing with my time that is not school, and I’ll have to accept whatever comment, face, shrug or sound they make as a reaction (I’m looking at you hmm-ers, ehh-ers, and pshh-ers).

BUT! If you are reading this and have been concerned for me, I want you to know that I am okay with where I’m at now. I’ve accepted it. I can’t change things from the past; I can only go forward from THIS point. Just because it’s a different path than I expected, doesn’t mean it’s been the wrong path for me. This is where I am, and I'm doing my best to look at how I can make things work for me, in this situation, going forward.

I write that last bit as a reminder to myself, just as much as I write it to share with you all, maybe even more. If my life went according to my expectations when I was younger, where's the fun in that? Haha, that would be predictable and boring. Instead, I've been given a life with so many plot-twists, and I'm just trying to keep up! The goal for now is celebrating where I'm at and the person I've become because of my struggles, keeping my head held high, and finding joy wherever I can.

Thanks for reading this far if you made it! I want to leave you with this: You are enough. Don't let others make you feel like you are less. I've been doing that related to school, and it's been unfair. Don't rob yourself of happiness by comparing your story to anyone else's story. Please. You are worth more than that :)

x Lauren

As always, if you have any thoughts you want to share with me, whether you've felt in a similar position before, or something else resonated in some way- PLEASE let me know! I'd love to chat :)

If you're looking for something more to read today, might I suggest my sister, Christine's blog post! If you need a little encouragement, this just might do the fix! (I think it really lends itself nicely as a follow-up to this post!) Tell her Lauren sent you! It will give me some good sister points ;)

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Time to Uproot?

During one of my classes at Disney, my facilitator in passing told us to "bloom where you are planted." Now, I know that that is a well-known quote, but at the time, I had never heard it, or at least never focused on the words, so for me it was such an "aha!" moment!

If you know me at all, you may know that I've felt stuck for awhile. The idea that you may be planted somewhere in life, but that you have control over what happens, was liberating. If we're talking in plant-terms, I can choose to "bloom" and achieve or wither and remain stagnant.

At some point in the last few years following that Disney class, I stumbled upon this quote by Jim Rohm: If you don't like where you are, move. You are not a tree. 

Again, for me, it was another "aha!" moment! 

Recently though, I've had to think of these ideas realistically and practically, not just as quotes you could find on Pinterest, and I'm finding these ideas to conflict.

Like I mentioned before, I've felt stuck for awhile and I've been trying to make the most of things. I've been trying to bloom where I'm planted. Different circumstances change, and situations occur that make me question why I feel the need to make things work where I am. If I'm not happy with the way things are, I should change them, no?

You can't be the plant that blooms if you are choosing to uproot yourself. This is the idea that I've been struggling with. If you choose to change things and start over, I feel like society makes you feel as though you've failed. Especially if you're not uprooting for the first time.

If we really want to stick with this vegetation metaphor, what is wrong with moving a plant? If we find that it's suffocating and dying where it is, shouldn't we try to give it new life in a new place with new soil for it to take roots?

If we are no longer prospering in our lives, and are finding that we just cannot continue to grow and bloom, shouldn't we move? Or am I being all too assuming that this is the end, but that really you should just keep trying to make things work?

I'd love to hear others' thoughts on this topic.

At what point do you decide that you can no longer bloom where you are planted? At what point do you choose to uproot yourself? Do you try and stick it out to see if things can and will get better or do you change the environment in which you want the growth to take place?


x Lauren

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Farewell, Dream Along!

Hello again! It has been awhile, huh? How have you been?

I’ve been thinking about what I wanted my next post to be, and today it became quite clear. For those of you who don’t know, Dream Along with Mickey, the long-running musical on the castle stage at Magic Kingdom had its final performance today.

Every one of my social media feeds was filled with tributes to the show and shared memories from the show today. So I thought why not add mine via my blog? Warning to all: this post will be my personal thoughts and feelings about the show and my nostalgic response to it so… if that’s not your cup of tea, no worries, but you may want to click away now!

Two years ago I attempted a post explaining why I love Disney so much. That’s quite a huge task for a blog when honestly, I could write a long-winded book on that topic, I’m sure. One of the things I mentioned was about Dream Along:

           

I was at Magic Kingdom in July, and while watching the Dream Along with

            Mickey castle show, which I have known the lyrics to backwards and

            forwards for a few years now, I was still swept up in the magic of it all. It

            was the strangest and yet coolest thing for me. I am telling you, I know

            that show, I really know it. I knew what lyrics were going to be sung, and

            yet while I was singing away in a crowd of hundreds, when we reached a

            certain line, completely unprepared for it, I cried. There, I said it! You think

            that’s embarrassing? I think it’s awesome!

Let me expand on that now. I was on that trip years ago because I was looking at a few schools in Florida. I have taken an unconventional college route, which I could go into another time as it’s quite lengthy in itself, but basically at the time, I knew I wasn’t happy at my current school, and needed to start looking for something else. My dad and I went down to Florida for a few days, and were able to have one Disney day, which was the coolest bonus for me! I was getting one Disney day and had to choose one park. Magic Kingdom was an easy choice, and one of the reasons was because I wanted to see Dream Along. It’s always been one of my must-dos at the parks!

“Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through.” That’s the line that had me in tears. At that time in my life, I was feeling like a failure. Looking back on it now I can tell that that point in my life was the lowest in my long depressive spell. I needed some hope, and that is exactly what Dream Along was serving up for me that day. Before that day, this line never stuck out as anything extraordinary to me, but when I heard it that day in June, the tears fell instantly as an emotional response which was greatly out of the ordinary for me.

Just the fact that I was feeling hope again was huge, but the fact that I had an emotional response of any kind was even bigger. With depression, I feel numb a lot, and for the majority of my life, I’ve not processed emotions, and definitely not outwardly expressed them. This castle show acted as a turning point for my life in a way. My thinking began to change, and I seriously credit this moment for helping me.

Dream Along with Mickey has so many great takeaways, it’s hard to keep track of them all.

First of all, it’s a celebration. What are we celebrating? Anything and everything! It’s a “magical occasion for everyone to share.” It reminds us that every day is a reason to celebrate.

Mickey tells us all that he’s brought a surprise—he’s invited some special guests to the party. Donald asks, “That’s the surprise??” To which Goofy replies, “But Donald, they’re going to bring their dreams along to share.” I love that Goofy identifies sharing our dreams with each other and living life together as something special.

Donald doesn’t believe in dreams, but Minnie tells him, “Oh, why everyone believes in dreams! You see, that’s the only way dreams can come true.” I’ve never thought about it this way, but I like it! If we don’t believe in our dreams, how can we expect them to come true? We have to keep on believing!

This musical inspires kids, and the kids at heart, to dream up anything they can think of! There is no limit to what we can dream.

Life isn’t always perfect though, and darkness finds its way in (cue Maleficent). I love that Dream Along shows that the dark side of life exists too, and whatever that may be or represent in your life, it can be defeated! I think it’s important that Donald, the once dream-skeptic, is the one to remind everyone to believe in their dreams which ultimately saves the day! Quite telling for us all.

“Every day discover dreams you never dreamed before. Make believe and let your imagination soar!” We have the power to do this. I think that is very cool.

Thank you Dream Along for the years of telling us all to seize the moment and let our fantasies and dreams set sail. Thank you for reminding us that anything is possible and wishes DO come true.

For ten years, it was the best castle party I’ve ever been invited to. (To be fair, it was the only castle party I’ve been invited to, but you know, it’s also the best!) The show’s audio lived on my phone so that I could participate any time I liked. The party is leaving the castle stage, yes, but I will still find my way to the party when I want to. Of course it won’t be in person, but rather via YouTube, but you know what? I’ll take it.

Dream Along with Mickey is a show that I will always find to be classic and timeless, and there is never a wrong time to look it up online and watch it now!

So yes, I knew the words to the songs and the dialogue, and I picked up choreography over the years, but this show gave me and so many others alike so much more—it let us celebrate the magic of dreams and watch a variety of “happily ever afters” come alive.

As they say in the show… “find a dream inside of you” and “take the dream with you, wherever you may go!”

I leave you now the same way Dream Along with Mickey ends every time, and that’s with the words of Mickey, “see ya real soon!”

x Lauren

P.S. To see many more of my photos from Dream Along, look at my Disney Instagram account: @thefantasticaldream OR this previous blog post :) 

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DIY: Disney Suitcase

As I prepared to leave on my Disneyland trip back in November, I teased a picture on my Instagram of this suitcase I painted. You can see pictures from that trip here if you haven't already!

My sister gave me this suitcase she bought at Goodwill years ago and no longer needed. I came up with the idea that I wanted to paint it. I look back on this project and smile because this was one of those things where I had no idea how I was going to accomplish it, but I had a vision for it, and made it happen.

The suitcase was probably just a few dollars, and it certainly wasn't perfect. There are a few little hiccups in the zipper (nothing major), and one of the little feet on the bottom of the suitcase is missing, but it's okay! These quirks give the suitcase some character… or should I say characters?? (ba-dum-ch) Get it? See, because there are a bunch of characters on it… hahaha.. ah.. boy.. moving on!

I had to learn a bit about the painting process along the way and figured I would share my new knowledge with you all in case you find yourself wanting to do something similar in the future!

If you are interested in knowing HOW I did it and what I used, keep reading after the pictures below :)

Back: Peter Pan, Aladdin, and Tangled!

Left Side: The Seven Dwarfs :)

Right Side: My other favorite group of guys along with the Dwarfs, the Lost Boys!

Front: UP, Finding Nemo, Dumbo, Mickey and Minnie, and Ariel with Flounder, Sebastian, and Scuttle! Also, can you spot the Hidden Mickey? Leave a comment on this post if you found it!

I had to be sure and include a bunch of my favorites on this suitcase!! I have many more favorite characters and scenes in mind and ready for a future project though, whenever that may be :)

**If you would like to see any close-up pictures of any sides in particular, let me know--I would be happy to whip the camera out again! Just comment on this post or message me about it, and I'll post the additional pictures here for you to see :)**

What I used:

• A vinyl suitcase (probably just a few bucks when my sister purchased from thrift store)
• Acrylic paint (yes, the cheap stuff you can get at the craft store for like 60 cents a bottle)
• A variety of paintbrushes including very tiny ones for details
• Satin Varnish (Can also be found at most craft stores)
• Gloss Varnish
• Flat (and quite wide) sable paintbrushes to seal

I had never painted on vinyl before so this was a bit interesting, but my go-to paint for any project is acrylic paint from the craft store. I learned about different ways to possibly seal my project once it was finished and decided on the varnishes listed above. 

The beauty of using the acrylic paint on vinyl is that until you seal it in the end, it can be fairly easily washed off with just water. So, what this means is that if you're not happy with something, you can take a cotton swab with a little bit of water, like I did, and "erase" your work. Also, when I was all finished with a side, I took a wipe along the edges to clean it up and this was EASY and gave it a much cleaner look and the illusion that I'm a more precise painter than I am. All smoke and mirrors, people. Let it be said for those that are worried your hours of work will be for waste, once it is sealed with the varnishes, it cannot be wiped off with water. Phew.

Now, I can't just list you all a step-by-step to-do now because that will be up to you and your design! I chose to paint on all sides of the suitcase, leaving some of the vinyl exposed for contrast. My technique was to finish a side completely, let it dry (for at least a day), and then paint on the varnish coats. I used one coat of Gloss Varnish first, and then followed with two coats of the Satin finish, with at least 3 hours between each coat, as the product labels instruct.

If you have any further questions about the process, let me know OR if you think you are going to embark on your own Disney DIY project soon, tell me about it! 

If you were to paint a suitcase of your own, which characters or scenes would you want to see on it? :)

x Lauren

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