I've Had the Time of My Life...

I am sitting down to write this post, and I know what I want to convey, but I am honestly not sure how to write it.

The main piece of news to share is that come August, my plan is now to move back home to Illinois.

First off, my time at Disney, the past 7 months or so, has been incredible. Truly, it has been the best time of my life so far. I have absolutely loved working at Kali River Rapids at Disney’s Animal Kingdom.

I have met some of the most amazing people in my coworkers and friends. I feel incredibly blessed by my relationships with each and every one of them.

My hope and plan was to stay down here and make this my life permanently. For the first time, I was so genuinely happy, and I wanted that feeling to continue for as long as possible.

In my time here, I have felt loved in a way I have never felt before, and it has been the best thing imaginable for me.

My college program ends on August 1st. Weeks ago, I went to casting and put in to stay with the company permanently.

In the last week or so though, a few things down here have changed that would make staying down here difficult for me. Constant reminders that would be painful would surround me. This is completely a personal decision because I know that I would not be happy down here at this time.

It is ironic because growing up, Disney was the thing to make me happiest, and now I must leave that very place for fear of the opposite.

It is just time to go.

My hope and plan is now to go seasonal, which would give me an excuse to come down here again soon, but also let me stay with the company I’ve loved working for most.

I will miss being able to go to the Disney parks whenever I want. More than that, I will miss working as a cast member. I will miss little things like asking, “How many in your party?” I will miss watching guests touch their MagicBands to the touch points and watch in excitement, as the light turns green (or the unfortunate blue). I will miss guests asking me all kinds of questions, and me being able to actually answer them! 

What I will miss the most however, are the people I’ve met. I sincerely love some of these people. I am leaving heartbroken for a few reasons.

I already know that my journey home will be an awkward one for those I encounter, as I will be a crying mess. The days, and weeks following will be very difficult for me. I know this all sounds a bit dramatic, but it is really very upsetting for me.

So what is my plan for life now?

That would be an excellent question! One my parents are going to want an answer to, and one that I will be asked many times upon returning home, by people who care, but I will get tired of answering. I’m not returning back to school at this time. My school plan has not been the conventional one, and certainly not the way my two older siblings have done it. They are both graduated with their Bachelors degrees, and I admire that, but I haven’t been motivated to accomplish that in the 4-years directly following high school.

While being here on my program though, I earned both my Mousters Degree, and my Ducktorate Degree, and that is pretty dang cool :)

The truth is, I don’t know what I’m doing! The daunting thing called “the future” is here now, and frankly, I’m not ready for it. I am on the search for what I want to do next, and what will make me happy again. I am very aware that I will receive a great amount of judgment and condescending comments, whether to my face or not. I can’t please everyone; I’m just trying to work on pleasing myself right now, call me selfish.

So please, know all of this before you ask me what’s going on in my life. I appreciate the care, but you will probably unknowingly make me feel awful at the same time.

I would love to share memories with you from my time down here. I have plenty of amazing moments to share, moments of great joy and love, but also ones of heartache, which ultimately are helping me learn more about myself.

I may cry at random times, and it may not make sense to you, but it is all a part of this rollercoaster experience that has been my amazing life down here.

There is so much more I could say. I know this post is a bit all over the place, and may seem odd, but I thought I’d share a bit.

I need a little space and time to heal, but I cannot stay away from this place forever. It’s not goodbye, it is just as Mickey would say, see ya real soon!