lauren spitler

Saturday, February 7, 2015

The Middle of Starting Over

Photo taken by my sister, Hayley.

That's probably the best way to describe my current life status. I am in the middle of starting over. 

Time and time again I have reached the point where I feel like giving up, and have just craved a change in scenery. I've hit the invisible wall, fallen over the invisible hurdle, and have felt trapped inside the invisible box.

For years, I have had no real sense of what I want to do in life. I went to Miami University for a year, and then a local community college for a semester before I went to do my Disney College Program. At each school, I finished my time there with a very respectable GPA. I have finished required general education credits, which is a nice feeling, but that is where the sense of academic accomplishment stops.

Friends that I graduated high school with had a plan, and have stuck to it! They are on schedule to graduate from their respective schools with whatever degrees, and then they will all go out into the "real world," that I have been trying to avoid for fear of its brutality to a girl who is incredibly lost without any clear direction. 

As a young kid, if you asked me what my plan for life was, I would spiel something off involving finishing high school, and then going to college and graduating with my degree in 4 years, and going to work in whatever profession my heart felt it was destined for.

I've never felt a huge calling to be one thing, the way some of my friends have. I have said it before, but I just wish I had one particular skill that made it completely obvious what I should do, but alas, I continue to rack my brain, and come up short. 

Truthfully, I have missed the classroom. I miss taking notes and learning in that environment. What I should do then, is get back into the classroom and go back to school, yeah? Agreed, but school costs a lot of money that I don't have to be spending when I don't know where I want to go, or what I want to be studying. 

I want to finish up schooling, but it would be such a toss-up as to what degree to strive for. It would be like throwing a dart in the general direction of the dartboard, while being blindfolded, and just hoping it lands on something, anything. That is how I landed at Miami University. I didn't have the chance to go visit colleges before it was time to make a decision as a high school senior. I chose to go to Miami because my sister was there at the time, and she seemed to enjoy it. I hadn't stepped foot on a college campus, and had to make a decision based on what? The brochures representatives handed out or websites where it appeared every student loved their school, and learning was fun? This didn't give me the excitement and motivation for school that I thought I would have back when I was a young girl.

So yeah... Miami just wasn't for me. It is a great school, and I would recommend it to anyone interested, but I was simply trying to make something work for me that worked for my sister, and that didn't happen. 

After my program with Disney, I didn't immediately return to school like my other program pals, because I didn't have a school to return to. I was, and still am, stuck on the "which school should I go to?" question, that other people could easily answer back in high school.

So what have I been up to since my program? I have been working various jobs, while I have been desperately hoping for something like a vision to come to me in my dreams, answering my questions about school! So far, no luck with that revelation coming to fruition. 

I can't explain how frustrating it is to want to have that passion and motivation, but to not actually have it, and not be able to just develop it all of a sudden.

Apart from the big school question, that I really do get asked by seemingly good-willed people all the time (So, Lauren... when are you going back to school? Have you decided where you will go? Are you taking ANY classes right now?... sigh), life has had its other ups and downs.

I'm starting over, but it is a process, as I'm sure you know. I am in the middle of that process. I just want to see some glimpse of light that will tell me I'm on the right path, or give me some insight on how long of a process it will be. There is no glory in the process.

If you know me personally, you may know more of my personal struggles right now, but I want to share lyrics to a song that has been inspiring me lately. They are lyrics to the song, "Middle of Starting Over" by Sabrina Carpenter. I know that I have spoken a lot about school in this post, but that is only one aspect of the larger picture. I feel like I have really been fighting for a better life these past few years despite constant negativity in this world.

I just want a happy ending. I know it is never easy, and it will not just be handed to me, but I have hopes of even the possibility of a happy ending, and that is enough for me right now.

                                                                      Cast out to sea
                                                                   Drifting with the tide
And no way of finding me
Now that I'm free
Nothing but blue skies
Paradise in front of me

Awake from this dream
I hold my breath and just believe

Tired of all the troubles
They've been wasting my time
I don't wanna fight
Gonna leave it behind
Taking on faith
Now I'm ready to fly
I'm in the middle of starting over
Back to the beginning
Gonna hit rewind
Chance to do it over
Get it right this time
Life gives you pennies
Turn them into dimes
I'm in the middle of starting over
I'm in the middle of starting over

Alone in a room
Tearing down the walls
Painting over scars and bruises
Now this is home
Fill it up with love
And make the best of something new, yeah

As hard as it seems
I hold my breath and just believe

The colors and the stars
Seem a little brighter
Tomorrow isn't far away!
Through the hardest part
I'm working towards a happy ending

What has inspired you lately? Please share with me :)
Wishing you a positive week!
x Lauren                    

*Thank you to my sister, Hayley, for taking the photo used in this post! I was taking photos of her, and then asked her to quickly snap one of me which was nice because I don't have many photos of me! I am usually the one taking the pictures!*                            

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Blogs, Aladdin, & "Keep Moving Forward" | Disney Happiness Project

Week 13:

Every time I turn my computer on, and open my Internet browser, there are a few websites I instinctively type in their own respective tabs right away. In no particular order, you will find: Pinterest, YouTube, my friend's Tumblr page, and last, but certainly not least,

There are a few official Disney blogs, and I am obsessed with each one of them. There is Oh My  Disney, Disney Insider, Disney Playlist, and Disney Style.

I am not exaggerating when I say that I look at these blogs every single day. I love reading lifestyle posts that are Disney related, and I take every quiz that is available to me to test my Disney knowledge, or find out things like, which Disney heroine I am (The answer is Mulan, just so you know. Find out yours here!).

I love the fact that the blogs are fun-loving and uplifting. Some days, it is my time spent scrolling through the various blogs that is my little dose of Disney for the day. It is enough though to remind me why I love Disney and continue to make it quite a huge part of my life. 

I would LOVE to get to work on any of the Disney blogs one day. Until then, I will keep chugging along here with my own Disney related posts :)

Week 14: 

Recently, I was able to watch Aladdin for a little bit. I saw a good portion of the movie, and it reminded me of my love for it. First off, Aladdin is one of my favorite characters, and I was reminded while watching the opening marketplace scene that he is one of my favorite princes as well. This is important news to share, I know, haha! (for the record, my two favorites are Flynn Rider and Aladdin, and then tied for second would be Eric and Phillip, probably :D)

The reason I love the movie so much is because of Aladdin and the Genie. I am quite the fan of both of their personalities, and their friendship together. I mean, Aladdin is poor and yet sometimes gives his (stolen) food to those who need it more. Also, he gives up his last wish for the Genie. He is a pretty good guy! And the Genie is the Genie, super lovable! Seeing just a few scenes of the movie was enough to make me smile this week. (Jafar is also my favorite Disney villain, just saying!)

Week 15: 

A simple quote was enough to boost my mood this week! It also is one that I have come across and read many times! It is a quote from the movie, Meet the Robinsons, which is by far one of the most underrated Disney films, if you ask me. It is said by Lewis, but was ultimately inspired by something Walt Disney said many years before, and I'm sure I have probably shared on this blog before!

In the movie, Lewis says, "You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was, let go of the past and keep moving forward."

What a good reminder!! It is all about perspective! We need to take responsibility for our own lives. We are going to mess our own lives up and view it as turning out so badly if we only focus on the bad stuff! I know this is easier said than done. I am a great example of this. I am the first person to throw a pity-party for myself, but it is because I let the negatives overwhelm the positives. I am glad this quote came across my Twitter feed this week, because it brought the positives back to the forefront of my mind!

What did you love in the month of January? Any exciting plans for February? 

Also, do you have any suggestions of something Disney that I can incorporate in a future week's post? I would love to hear any ideas you have! 

Focus on the good stuff!
x Lauren
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