This is a post created rather quickly surrounding a late-night thought I had, so enjoy a little bit more of a raw post for a change!
I check the physical mailbox at my house every day
without fail. I keep my phone on me throughout pretty much the entire day. I
refresh my social media accounts quite frequently.
Why do I do all of this? (I know what you're
thinking-- because she's sad and has no life or friends… And okay, maybe, but
no!) I check the mailbox just in case somebody decided to take the time to
write me a letter. I keep my phone on me in case someone reaches out via phone
call or sends me a text. I refresh the various social platforms I'm a part of,
in hopes of seeing something positive.
I just want to feel like somebody else out there,
somewhere, cares. I think all of my little actions mentioned that could be seen
as pathetic and desperate, are really from a place of optimism and hope. I so
badly want things to go right for me, and I want the support and encouragement
from others in the process.
I realize it's not fair for me to expect these things
from other people, when I'm not the best at doing this and being this myself.
Changing that is something I plan on working on, starting now!
I was never the kid with many friends. I was actually
the kid that other children excluded on the playground, and ran away from
during recess. I was the kid who was told she was weird and that she was only
invited to the birthday party because people felt bad for her.
I so desperately craved friendship from my peers, and
didn't find the same overwhelming response from others.
I've been told by multiple people in my life that I'm
"not worth" being friends with or they "couldn't care less"
about my feelings or me. Actually hearing that from people on more than one
occasion is pretty dang disheartening, not going to lie to you! Because of
hearing those sorts of things, I'm not always very good at letting people into
my life. I feel like I burden and bother other people, and I back off out of
fear that I'll push them away.
Do not get me wrong, and I did not forget to mention
that I have found a few good eggs among the others. They have been the biggest
blessings to my life! To be able to call people my genuine friends means
a lot. Their ridiculous amount of patience to put up with me is worthy of an
award, complete with an acceptance speech and no cut-off music. And for them,
I'm incredibly grateful.
Yes, I had to throw in a random Disney picture with friends because I didn't want a post made up solely of text! That's boring for you and me!
This is more of a single
thought-turned-journal-turned-blog post for others to read now, so let me give
you some sort of takeaway! You deserve as much if you read through my bit of a
downer rant there!
Do you know that feeling you get when someone reaches
out to you or does something nice for you? How do you feel when someone takes
even a few moments to be there for you, even if just to listen? (If you say you
don't know that feeling, let me know and I'm all ears for you, sincerely!)
Okay, remember that feeling, and then go out and
create it for someone else! Be the friend for somebody else in your life! Just
be there for them, show up! They could be right in front of you, and you never
even thought about it! Don't assume they don't need you! They could be so good
at faking strength, but may be crying out on the inside for somebody else to
care. Trust me, I've been that person!
Be the person to pass the good vibes on. Pay it
forward. Those little things, like a letter in the mail, or a text message, go
a long way! It's not always the act itself, but the thought and person behind
them!
Life can be so negative.
Be the positive!
x Lauren
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